I USED TO BELIEVE THAT IF I WERE COMPETENT ENOUGH, THINGS WOULD WORK OUT.
FOR YEARS, THAT STRATEGY PAID OFF. I SPENT TWO DECADES IN THE GLOBAL OIL INDUSTRY SOLVING COMPLEX, HIGH-STAKES PROBLEMS.
I WAS A CHEMICAL ENGINEER. A VICE PRESIDENT. THE PERSON TRUSTED TO THINK CLEARLY UNDER PRESSURE AND CARRY RESPONSIBILITY WHEN THINGS WERE MESSY.
~Â IÂ did what i knew how to do.
~Â IÂ carried more.
~ I anticipated others’ needs.
~Â IÂ smoothed things over.
~Â IÂ stayed reasonable, capable, and composed.
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What I didn’t do was ask for what I wanted.
Over time, something subtle crept in. Frustration. Resentment. A quiet sense that I was over-functioning while others under-contributed. I could see what wasn’t working, but I didn’t know how to address it without becoming “difficult,” “selfish,” or “too much.”
Logic didn’t help. Working harder didn’t help. Being more accommodating definitely didn’t help.
THAT WAS MY TURNING POINT.
I began to see that the issue wasn’t confidence in my abilities. It was confidence in my right to have wants, needs, and preferences at all. I wasn’t failing at leadership. I was disappearing inside it.
So I stopped trying to be better at self-sacrifice and started learning self-advocacy.
I trained with executive coaches, studied human behavior, power dynamics, and emotional intelligence, and began to understand why so many capable leaders default to carrying instead of collaborating. Why we confuse responsibility with over-responsibility. Why asking feels risky. And why resentment is often the cost of unspoken wants.
TODAY, THIS IS THE WORK I DO.
As the founder of Thoughtly, I help high-functioning, self-sacrificing leaders move from quiet endurance to clear self-advocacy without becoming abrasive, entitled, or disconnected from others. My clients are presidents, founders, and senior leaders who care deeply, take ownership seriously, and are tired of being the one who always gives more.
Through a practical, research-informed framework and the Authentic Confidence Experience Assessment, we uncover the patterns driving self-sacrifice, map what authentic confidence actually looks like, and build the capacity to say...
This is what I want.
This is what I need.
And I’m willing to work toward it with you...
Because leadership is not about choosing between yourself and others.
It’s about learning how to give both consideration and self-advocacy, so everyone can breathe.
If you’re ready to stop carrying everything alone and start leading from a place that’s sustainable, honest, and shared, Thoughtly is a place to begin.
