Nobody Likes Surprises
Working alone feels efficient right up until it doesn't. The cost of operating in a vacuum isn't paid by you. It's paid by everyone around you.
Here's a scenario most of us have lived through: You've been working on something for weeks. You've thought through the angles, weighed the options, made a decision. Then you bring it to your team or your partner or your client and the energy in the room goes flat.
They're not excited. They're not impressed. They're surprised. And not the good kind.
You did everything "right." You worked hard. You were thorough. And somehow the result still landed like a thud.
That's the vacuum problem. And it shows up everywhere in teams, in families, in organizations, in ourselves.
THE COMFORT OF WORKING ALONE
Let's be honest: working alone is easier. You move faster. There are no scheduling conflicts. No one pokes holes in your idea before you've fully formed it. No one misunderstands your thinking or takes it somewhere you didn't intend. You're in full control of the process start to finish.
That efficiency is real. It's also a trap.
Because the moment you close the loop, the moment you show your work, roll out your plan, announce your decision, you're no longer working alone. And everyone who wasn't in the room is now experiencing the output of a process they had no part in.
Working in a vacuum doesn't protect your process. It just delays the collision between your thinking and everyone else's reality.
SURPRISES ARE A RELATIONSHIP TAX
When we surprise someone, even with something good, we're implicitly telling them: I made this decision without you.
For a team member, that might mean: I didn't think your perspective was worth including. For a client, it might mean: I assumed I knew what you needed. For someone you love, it can mean: I handled this, so you didn't have to be involved.
Some of those feel okay in the moment. Most of them accumulate. Over time, the pattern of being surprised, of repeatedly finding out about things after they're already decided, quietly erodes trust. Not dramatically. Just steadily.
You're probably operating in a vacuum if you regularly hear phrases like:
- "I didn't know that was happening."
- "Why wasn't I looped in?"
- "I wish you'd talked to me first."
- "I would have told you that wasn't going to work."
THE UPFRONT INVESTMENT PAYS OFF
Bringing others into the conversation costs something. It takes more time. It requires you to sit with uncertainty longer before you've got a polished answer. You have to be willing to let your half-formed ideas be seen, and to let someone else's thinking change where you end up.
That's the work. And most people avoid it not because they're selfish, but because it's genuinely harder than just deciding and executing.
But here's what that investment actually buys you:
- Better options, because you didn’t have all the information alone.
- Faster implementation, because people who shaped the decision are invested in it.
- Fewer surprises, because everyone already knows where you’re going.
- More trust, because people feel like they’re part of something rather than subject to it.
Collaboration isn't about consensus or committees or death by meeting. It's about not treating your own perspective as the whole picture when it never is.
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO
The worst thing we can do to our team members, our customers, our loved ones is to consistently surprise them. Not because the surprise itself is always harmful, but because the pattern signals something. It says: I don't need your input. I don't factor you in until I'm ready to present. You exist at the end of my process, not inside it.
People can forgive a bad decision. They recover from mistakes. What's harder to recover from is the feeling of being managed instead of included. Of being surprised instead of consulted.
The goal isn't to make perfect decisions. It's to make decisions with people so that whatever comes next, you're facing it together.
WHERE TO START
You don't have to overhaul how you work. You just have to break the vacuum before it becomes a habit. A few places to look:
- Before you finalize anything, ask: who will be affected by this that I haven't talked to yet?
- Before you present a solution, consider whether you've given others a chance to shape the problem.
- When you catch yourself saying "I've got it handled," ask whether "handled" and "decided alone" mean the same thing in this case.
The point isn't to share everything. The point is to notice when you've drifted into operating like the only person whose thinking counts.
JOIN THE THOUGHTLY LAB
The Thoughtly Lab exists for people who are done operating alone and ready to practice something different. We call it going from operating alone to creating the conditions for all in partnership.
In the Lab, you're not just reading about collaboration. You're practicing it in real time, with real situations, alongside people who carry the same kind of responsibility you do. You notice the patterns. You try small shifts. You see what actually changes.
It starts with the ACE Assessment, a one-on-one diagnostic that maps exactly where operating alone is costing you and where the conditions for partnership already exist. It's the clearest first step.
Start with the ACE Assessment:
In your corner,
Allison
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