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Breathing life into your leadership

A few years ago, a coach told me something that caught me off guard. She said it was difficult to celebrate me. Not because I was unworthy. Because I would not let it land. Every time she acknowledged me, I redirected it. Minimized it. Handed it back. I thought that was humility. It was deflectio...

Feb 24, 2026

If You Can’t Ask, You Can’t Lead

I was working with a horse who had one very clear preference. Scratch her collar bones. If I stopped, she’d nudge me. If I scratched the wrong place, she’d reposition herself. At one point I said to my trainer, half joking, “She’s kind of high maintenance.” Without missing a beat she said, “No. S...

Feb 17, 2026

When Saying More Makes You Less Clear

Lately, I’ve been noticing something in myself. I’ll know exactly what I want to say. The point is clear in my mind. And yet, when I open my mouth, I add more than is necessary. A little background. A justification. A few extra words to make sure it lands well. What I’m starting to see is tha...

Feb 10, 2026

My Most Subtle Rescue Strategy

I’ve gotten much better at not rescuing people from their emotional process.I don’t rush in with reassurance.I don’t pat arms or hand out Kleenex to make it better anymore. And I’m just now noticing something else. When someone is uncomfortable with me, distant, or upset, my knee-jerk reaction is...

Feb 03, 2026

Why Slowing Down Made Me More Effective

For most of my life, leadership looked like this. Busy.Responsible.Always on. My attention was everywhere.What’s next.Who needs me.What pressure is coming.What did I say that might need fixing later. I stayed productive.I stayed useful.And I stayed tired. I even ignored my own basic needs if stop...

Jan 27, 2026

Something I kept noticing in Portugal

There was graffiti everywhere in Portugal. Not tucked away.Not hidden in alleys.Right out in the open on old stone buildings, walls, doorways. And not the kind that apologizes. It wasn’t asking permission.It wasn’t trying to be tasteful or unobtrusive.It wasn’t worried about ruining the experienc...

Jan 20, 2026

The Boundary Warning Mistake

Here is a common trap self sacrificers fall into. They announce a boundary in advance. "I just want you to know I will not be doing this anymore.""I am enforcing a new boundary.""Please respect it." It sounds healthy, but it's usually avoidance. The real purpose is not clarity.It is control. Boun...

Jan 13, 2026

The Subtle Gap Self-Sacrificers Live In

Self-awareness and self-management are not the same thing. Self-awareness is noticing.Self-management is choosing. You can have one without the other. Most self-sacrificers are very self-aware.They notice the tension.They feel the resentment.They know when something is not working. They are also ...

Jan 06, 2026 assessment confidence leadership

Most People Get Boundaries Wrong

Most people get boundaries wrong. A boundary is not something you explain or enforce on someone else.A boundary is simply what you will do if you feel a certain way. That’s it. No one needs to know your boundary.No one else is responsible for honoring it.That part is on you. Where things go sidew...

Dec 30, 2025 advocacy boundaries confidence leadership people pleasing self sacrifice

The One Question Self-Sacrificers Avoid the Most

Most self-sacrificers can handle stress, chaos, and other people’s needs without flinching.But ask them one simple question: “What do you want?” …and suddenly we freeze.Awkward smile.Quick deflection.Silent panic. Because once you name what you want, you cannot un-know it.And wanting something yo...

Dec 15, 2025

Why You See Every Problem Before Anyone Else

If you are a high self sacrificer, you know this pattern everywhere in your life. In meetings. The room goes quiet. You spot the gap. You jump in. With friends. Someone shares a problem. Before they finish the sentence, you are already offering solutions. With family. A chore, a plan, a crisis. Y...

Dec 15, 2025

Your Trust Problem Is Not What You Think

High self sacrificers think they struggle to trust other people. And on paper it makes sense. People miss details. They forget things. They drop the ball. So you stay ready to jump in. You build backup plans. You keep everything moving. It feels efficient. But that is not the real issue. The real...

Dec 15, 2025

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