Communication Isn’t the Problem. It’s the Alibi.
“Communication” is rarely the problem. It’s usually the alibi.
You’ve sat in that meeting. "We just need to communicate better." So you add a status update. Another sync. A shared doc nobody opens. Weeks later, the tension’s still there. Someone’s still defensive. Something you already said twice still didn’t happen.
Here’s why. Being specific is exposing
“I need you to own this project more” is safe. It’s one-sided, so nothing can really be negotiated, argued with, or failed, at least not obviously.
A real agreement is two people putting their actual wants on the table. Say what you want: "I want to know what’s happening on this project so I’m not surprised." Let them say what they want: "I want to give you that information in a way that’s easy and doesn’t take up my whole day." From there, you land somewhere real: status updates every Friday at noon, with a commitment to flag anything going off course early. That version can be agreed to, because there was something specific enough to say yes to.
“Own it more” skips all of that. Nothing specific was ever put on the table, so nothing was really agreed to. It was just nodded at. That gap between what was nodded at and what each person actually meant is what turns into tension, defensiveness, or resentment.
Just one question that is worth keeping close: is this agreement clear enough that a 10 year old could tell us whether we honored it?
Get specific enough to pass that test, and the agreement takes care of itself. The communication was never the problem.
If “we need to communicate better” keeps coming up on your team, this might be why.
Want to see where the real gap is hiding? Take the ACE Assessment and find out.
In your corner,
Allison
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