The Dirty Yes

The fastest lie I tell is two words long: “Will do.”

Someone asks me for a favor. My stomach drops. My mouth says yes anyway.

I call that a dirty yes. It sounds clean. It isn’t.

If you’ve ever said “no problem” while everything in you said the opposite, you know exactly what I mean.

Here’s what I can see: a dirty yes isn’t an accident. It’s doing a job.

Part of the job is being seen a certain way. Generous. Easy. Not difficult. A no feels like it would say I’m selfish or not team player.

The other part is harder to admit. I want to be owed. I want someone to notice what I carry. That’s why I show up resentful. I wasn’t giving. I was investing, and the return never came.

Every dirty yes also teaches people to expect someone who doesn’t exist. Someone with endless room and no limits (boundaries anyone?). And the longer I play her, the harder she is to stop being.

So the dirty yes doesn’t protect the relationship. It borrows against it, and trust is what I’m spending.

Maybe yours sounds like “let me see what I can do.” Maybe it’s a nod in a meeting you already know you’ll regret.

Think about the last yes you gave that your body didn’t agree with. What were you hoping it would get you?

The ACE Assessment can show you what your yeses are really for, and where you say yes to stay safe instead of because you mean it. 138 questions, 20 minutes, then a full hour with me to walk through what it shows.

Take the ACE Assessment → https://ace.bethoughtly.com/

In your corner,

Allison