You’re Not Lying About What You Want. You’re Just Not Doing It.
I’m working with a team right now, and there’s one person I keep coming back to.
Every conversation, they say the right things. “I want more partnership.” “I want us to work as a team.” “I want better flow.”
Then a meeting starts.
They interrupt before anyone finishes a thought. They shoot down ideas before considering them. They lecture the room on how things “should” go. When someone pushes back, they don’t seem to notice how it lands.
What strikes me isn’t the contradiction. It’s that they don’t see it. They’d tell you, honestly, that they want partnership, and they’d mean it. The gap between what they say and what they do isn’t something they’re hiding. It’s something they genuinely can’t see from where they’re standing.
That’s the part I sit with, because if it’s that easy for someone to miss the gap between their intention and their impact, none of us are exempt from it.
So here’s the invitation, not just for them, for all of us: where might the same thing be true for you?
Where do you say you want feedback, but the room goes quiet a little too fast when someone offers it? Where do you say you value someone else’s ideas, but notice how quickly you’re already explaining why yours is better? Not because you’re pretending. Just because, like this person, it’s hard to see the gap from inside it.
I don’t think the fix is trying harder to catch yourself in the moment. That rarely works when you’re the one inside the pattern. It’s more likely to come from someone who can see what you can’t: a partner, a coach, a teammate willing to name it when your words and your behavior split.
That’s usually the only way any of us close a gap we didn’t know we had.
If you want a clearer picture of your own gap, the ACE Assessment will show you exactly where it shows up, and I’ll personally walk you through what it means for you.
In your corner,
Allison
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