When Helping Hurts

You spend your energy noticing everyone else.
Who needs help. Who’s behind. Who looks stressed.
You step in before anyone asks.

It feels generous. It looks noble.
But every time your attention goes out there, it pulls you further away from yourself.
You stop knowing what you want. You just know what everyone else needs.

That’s when helping turns into self-sacrifice.
You start to resent it. You feel alone. You wonder who has your back.

That’s what happens when you take responsibility for everything.
No one else learns. No one else steps up.
You built the machine and now you are the machine.

Why we do it:

• Being useful feels like safety
• Control feels like connection
• We’d rather overdo than risk things falling apart

But overdoing is not leadership. It’s survival.

Real leadership is self advocacy, which is knowing what’s yours, asking for what you need, and creating win win situations.

Next time you jump in, ask:

“Am I helping because it’s needed, or because I’m uncomfortable watching it not get done?”

That’s the moment you shift from self sacrifice to self advocacy.

✨ In the Thoughtly Lab, which kicks off November 14, we build this muscle. You’ll learn how to stop rescuing and start leading. 

Get started by completing the Authentic Confidence Assessment, which includes a one hour review with me where we unpack your results and build a plan to strengthen your confidence: https://www.bethoughtly.com/ace-assessment

Believing in you,
Allison