Resentment isn’t what you think it is
Many leaders think resentment is an anger problem.
It’s not.
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown explains that resentment doesn’t actually live in the anger family of emotions.
It lives in the envy family. Which makes sense when you look closely.
Resentment often sounds like:
• “Must be nice.”
• “I guess I’ll just do it myself.”
• “No one else seems to care as much as I do.”
• “Why am I always the responsible one?”
That’s not pure anger. That’s the quiet feeling that others seem to have permission you don’t.
Permission to say no.
Permission to rest.
Permission to ask for help.
Permission to let something be someone else’s problem.
Many of the high-capacity leaders I work with don’t think they’re resentful. They think they’re responsible. But when we keep overriding our own limits, something inside us notices. And eventually it whispers:
“How come everyone else gets to live differently than I do?”
That whisper is resentment.
Not because we’re bad people. But because we’re violating ourselves.
The good news is resentment is incredibly useful data. It’s a signal that something important inside you wants attention.
A want.
A boundary.
A truth you haven’t spoken yet.
Instead of judging the feeling, try getting curious. Where in your life do you notice the quiet thought:
“Must be nice…”
That’s usually where a conversation with yourself needs to begin.
Resentment quietly suffocates leadership.
It drains energy. It limits collaboration. It keeps us operating alone.
But when leaders learn to notice it early, something shifts. They stop carrying everything themselves and start breathing life back into their leadership.
In your corner,
Allison
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