When Strength Becomes Self-Abandonment

I once worked on a team with a highly critical, volatile teammate, the kind of person who could turn a meeting into a minefield.

The owners tolerated her behavior, even though it was damaging relationships and morale.

I stayed far too long, telling myself:
I can handle it.
I’m strong enough.
Maybe I can even win her over.

The problem?
To survive it, I had to keep putting my own needs on the back burner.
I stopped speaking up.
I stopped asking for what I needed.
And slowly, I drifted away from myself.

When it became clear that the owners weren’t going to do anything — that they were simply going to tolerate the chaos, I realized something painful:
No one was coming to save me.

I had to have my own back.

So I left.
Not because I was weak, but because I finally got clear on what I valued and what I would stand for.

It wasn’t easy.
But clarity is freedom.
And freedom always starts with a hard choice

Obligation can sound like loyalty or strength, but when it costs you your peace, it’s self-abandonment in disguise.

That’s what we unpack inside The Thoughtly Lab — a year-long experience for leaders who’ve been over-functioning for far too long and are ready to live and lead from alignment instead of endurance.

The next Lab kicks off November 14.
The first step is to take the Authentic Confidence Assessment and spend an hour with me unpacking your results.
We’ll look at where you’ve been carrying too much and what it would take to finally set it down.

👉 https://www.bethoughtly.com/ace-assessment

Believing in you,
Allison